I thought I’d out run the freight train
going so fast
maybe Branson bought my contract just to piss off Corbyn
I sit on the floor too
only in the kitchen
my legs won’t help me stand the pressure of making fucking coffee
What the fuck?
I’d forgotten about that pissing clock too.
tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick fucking tick
that sound is the ghost of darkness feeding on your soul
stupid inauthentic warrior woman
ashamed to take a stumble for the team
fiercely guard self-love for all other wounded soldiers
lack courage to stand tall in imperfection
take off that pathetic red cape and stop wearing your pants in the wrong place, fool
wonder woman is fictitious
real super heroes can stand up and boldly say ‘I feel fucking broken’
I feel fucking broken
there, I said it.
I forgot about rage against the machine
I listened to them
maybe that’s where white hot fury sharp enough to sever heads seeped in from
or maybe I just buried that shit so far down that only real love could free it
why does it always happen this way?
why does that fucking beast stalk you from the shadows awaiting the moment you claim freedom?
Maybe it’s capitalist
maybe freedom is illusory
I know that’s bollocks really
I should stop humoring myself
It gets me in trouble
attachment to suffering is the illusion
forgetting the middle way
Sometimes its easier to lie to yourself to justify the fucking misery
or to excuse yourself from being human
or to trick yourself into feeling invincible
because how dare you be anything less
get over yourself, girl!
I feel like there’s a big fat man sat on my chest and I can’t fucking breath
I feel like my heart is a sewer
I feel like there’s a grand prix in my circulatory system and my neurons have gone to fucking Bali
Thanks for the invite you bastards
I could have done with a break
I feel hollow and full of fucked up all at once
I feel shallow whilst drowning
I feel all the fucking shit
I feel all of it on some repetitive circuit of ‘HERE, BITCH, FEEL THE FULL SPECTRUM OF HUMAN EMOTION ALL AT ONCE ON VOLUME 11’.
I feel fucking tapped!
But I feel
That means I’m alive
I promised myself too many times a day for too many years that this alone is an incredible gift
I won’t fuck it up again
I feel fucking broken and that’s ok
I am loved and I am strong and I have done this enough to know I can do it again
I can do it again.
maybe 9 can keep the bastard shit once I’m done with it this time.